Onus on Saiful's celebrated Anus

Tun Seri Lanang wrote the ‘Sejarah Melayu’ or ‘The Malay Annals’ which detailed everything that had happened in the Malay States, especially in the Malay Peninsula and in its environs.

This wonderful book details the intricacies of the history of the Malays that has whatever intrigues that any human being could ever think of and more.

But barely less than 200 years since the book was written, yet, another chapter seems to want to gain space in it. It concerns the study of celebrated Malay Anals or Anus.

Unfortunately, it is not within the realm of medicine, but politics – Malaysian politics.

And the most celebrated Malay Anus must be Saiful’s.

For there is no one else in the Malay World and beyond, who willingly subjects his own anus for public view and discussion.

That one willingly admitting to being sodomized proves that one wants to claim fame proves that he is not made of rubber.

And what if another person had been sodomized by another unknown person? What can he go, and what can he get from it?

Therefore, it won’t be rude to say that those who had lodged such a unique report with the police may want to do it for a reason that is not within anybody’s comprehension that there are benefits accruing from having done so.

One gains celebrity status instantly, especially if the alleged sodomist is someone who many want to dispose of but can’t seem to find any other ingenious way to do it.

Charging a person for sodomy can now be registered as a New Malaysian Invention.

The person who killed John Lennon called Mark Chapman was a chap who was considered to be deranged and who longed to go down the grave as John’s murderer. This was his aim.

And other lesser known individuals might also have the same reasons for wanting to commit crime and admitting to some of them, such as by being sodomized simply because one thinks one’s greatest assets are not found in the grey matter of the brain, but somewhere much lower, in his behind, an organ which we often take for granted, since it is often used to reject our daily refuse.

Yet, Saiful, has brilliantly found a new use for it – to achieve some measure of fame by ‘defame’.

So the onus of his charge, therefore, must only be found in his anus, and nowhere else.

Any description of his tryst or being sodomized can therefore fall in the realm of the fantasy.

Bring on the DNA, mattresses, the sordid details, but they can be easily thrown out of court.

But if this is not what Saiful’s intentions are, then one can see how far he will go from having gone through this ‘trauma’.

To get a rough idea, ask Azizan, who also wanted to claim to have the most celebrated Malay Anus, ten years ago.

For those who do not remember him, he was the person who had also been involved in a similar issue in 1998.

He was Wan Azizah’s driver and could claim to be very close to the Anwar Ibrahim who was then the deputy prime minister of this country.

If there is anyone who wants to know where Azizan is or what he is doing, one needs to go to the small town in Melaka called Alor Gajah. He owns a company. Not bad for exposing his anus for all to see, and become rich because of that.

One does not know how far Saiful, the university dropout can fare, in the present circumstances, when mattresses, DNAs and other court parapanelia do not seem to add up anymore these days.

And till now Anwar has yet to be charged for anything. So all of us are playing the guessing game. When? Where? How? And Why?

In the meantime, Saiful gets an unnecessary inconvenience in the form of a medical report which says that he had not been sodomized, since his anus was not scarred.

The only thing that seemed to have been scarred is his reputation and those who were bent on using such a report to finally inflict the ultimate result of the police investigation and to charge Anwar in court.

But then, if everybody remembers, Sukma’s doctor, too, had conducted a medical report on him, or more exactly his anus, and found it to be scarred.

But the good doctor was kind enough to say that scarring of the anus can be due to a host of reasons, one of which he cited in court was because Sukma was suffering from constipation.

Now the police are the ones who are suffering from it – constipation – which some lesser-known Sages of the Modern Age describe as – The Thief of Time.

So even if Sukma’s medical report had stated that his anus had scars, the court could still not use it to charge him for having been sodomized by anyone or anything as it can happen on its own.

So with Sukma’s, there are now three celebrated Malay Anuses.

-Malaysia Today